Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
