I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
