I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
