i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
