I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
