you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
