I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I woke up under a house in Key West
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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