I showed him my bush... on skype.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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