Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
