Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
