Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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