Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize