I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
