i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Help. Why am I so naked?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
