apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
