All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
