Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
