he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
