I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
