That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
