She said her name was "party"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
