I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
