I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Come share oat with me in your robe
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
