I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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