Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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