And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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