When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
