when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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