you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
