i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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