This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
