guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
