How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Can I color on your dick again?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
