Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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