i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
