Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
