everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
