it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
