thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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