I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
