I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
