bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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