i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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