3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
