no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
