Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
