Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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