I could have mohawked her pubes.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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