new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize