you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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