I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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