Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
