I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Randomize
