he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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