you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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