babies were throwing up all over the place
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We're too hungover to prance.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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