i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize