he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize