Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
