Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize