Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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