dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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