You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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