Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My vagina just recognized that song.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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