this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
