you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We're not piercing ourselves today.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
