we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
